First, take a
deep breath. It's been a long week girl, but it's over now! Turn on The Rolling Stones Pandora Station. Get out
your fifth of Jim Beam, your Triple Sec, Sweet and Sour, and Diet Lemon
Lime Soda. Grab a jar, and mix 1 part whiskey, triple sec, and sweet
and sour, with 4 parts soda. Whisk that together in your handy jar
and...wow, things just got way better with your Lynchburg Lemonade
(except it's not Lynchburg because I substituted Jim Beam for Jack
Daniels)!
.
Now, you're going to make some empanadas ghetto Ballard style. 
You will need:
I box Pre-made pie crusts (the refrigerated rolled up type)
2 cans Canned crab meat (I bought the "fancy" kind)
A bottle of flavored mayo of your choosing (I picked garlic&herb on a whim, I would recommend chipotle)
a spork (to reduce dishes)
a cup
a rolling pin
baking sheet
foil
olive oil
So, take
your crab and open the cans. The crab meat will be wrapped in weird
little wax paper packets. Drain off the juice. Feed it to a cat. I
owned a cat once. The worst six months of my life. She didn't like the
crab juice when I put it in her bowl, pretty picky for a stray that
should have been happy with having a home, but whatever.
Next, put it in a bowl and squirt some of your flavored mayo on it. Mix this with the "spoon" part of your spork.
Looking good so far? Reward yourself with a sip of your Lynchburg Lemonade.
Now,
grab that cup and start making little disks out of the pie crust. 
When
you have a whole bunch of scraps, ball them together and whip out your
new rolling pin (Shout out to Chris Galloway. Thanks Mom!). Roll that extra dough
flat and make more disks.
Take
the spoon side of the spork and dish out a little crab mixture into the
center of the disk.
Fold over and press with your finger, then rinse
your spork and switch to the fork side. You will now press that down to
secure the empanada.
Put
some foil on your cookie sheet, toss those bad boys on there and
drizzle some olive oil on top. Take a paper towel and spread the olive
oil evenly on the dough. 
Bake for about 10 minutes on 400.
BAM!
you're done, and drunk! Now, package them up. Carefully place them, and
your jar of Lynchburg lemonade in a reusable grocery tote, and get on
the bus to travel to the birthday party that you have made these for!
