Speed ice cream

So, I hate waiting for literally 24 hours to eat delicious ice cream. This made me decide to read seventy million cooking blogs and figure out how to make a custard taste of ice cream without having to actually make custard. I'm a genius, I know. And also very humble. So here is a blueberry ice cream recipe. Apparently blueberries have had one hell of a season because they are practically handing them away like zucchini at the store.

Without further bullshit, here you are:

You need-

2 cups blueberries

2 cups half and half

1 can sweetened condensed milk (it should be 14oz)

1 cup heavy cream

1 tsp. vanilla

So, get out your "vintage" blender and blend up those blueberries.

Set them aside. Combine all other ingredients in a bowl and whisk them together. Pour this mixture into the ice cream maker.

Sit on the couch and begin writing your blog entry about this and do the dishes that you just got dirty.

Now would also be a good time to put on some music, maybe sit on the balcony for a bit. It takes my ice cream maker about 25 minutes to get to the consistency of soft serve, which is what you're going for. 

Once you are at soft serve status, pour in the blueberry purée. 

You'll need a spatula to get it out of the blender, and it will take a good 5 minutes to look like you actually added it, but be patient because you get to eat this ice cream today!the blueberries are going to make the ice cream soupy again, so let your ice cream maker do its thing and go change your sheets.

Look at you go! Made your bed and now you can sit in it and eat ice cream!

OMG it's 2013.

Total and epic fail on having a "more serious" blog, but whatever. I bought an ice cream maker attachment for my Kitchen Aid, and shit got real... Real delicious

Here is what you need, followed by unhelpful, yet witty instructions and some irrelevant information:

1 cup whole milk

2 cups heavy cream

3/4 cup sugar

A pinch of salt (what does that even mean?) I just tossed some in

2 cups (approx) fresh mint 

5 egg yolks

Chocolate chips

Hella Pyrex

A wooden spatula

Fine mesh sieve

Egg separator

Ice cream maker

Are you ready? First, get your mind in a good place. This takes forever and you don't get to eat it until tomorrow night. Next, put on some tunes. I played the mix tape I found at my parents' house featuring great hits like "be about yo paper" by The Click....

Anyway, we live and learn right?

1. Add milk, 1 cup of the heavy cream, salt and sugar to a saucepan. Cook on medium heat until the sugar dissolves (aka...forever, but do not turn the heat up or you'll be an angry badger).

2. Add the mint leaves and stir that shit up. Make sure the leaves are totally covered in the milk substance. Stick a lid on it and set it on a trivet (or if you're Rose, a trundle). Let it sit there and don't open it up for 1 hour. Go find something else to do, or prep the rest of your steps. I did a combination of pacing my apartment, checking Instagram, and deciding which Pyrex I would use.

3. After an hour, put the sieve over a bowl (a white and pink Pyrex) and pour the mint mixture over the top. Press down on the mint leaves to get out all of the flavor.

Now, return it to the pot and rewarm it.

4. Now if you were smart and listened to my earlier suggestion, you would already have 1 cup of heavy cream sitting in a Pyrex with the washed sieve sitting on top, and this would be next to a bowl of 5 egg yolks that you had already mixed until smooth. If not, get your shit together.

5. Now, get ready to whisk your heart out. Slowly pour the warmed mint mixture into the egg yolks. I mean slow, if you go to fast, those little chicken embryos are going to cook up into some nasty mint and milk scrambled eggs.

6. Take this new concoction and... You guessed it! Put it back in the saucepan. Now you are going to constantly stir until the mixture thickens. It should coat the back of the wooden spatula. So, if you pull the spatula out and run your finger down the middle, the mark your finger leaves should not fill up with milk concoction. Comprende? 

7. You're almost done, I swear.... For tonight at least. Take the new mixture over to your pre-setup bowl of cream with the sieve. Pour the mint/egg/milk into this bowl. Mix it up. Let it cool on the counter for a bit, then put it in the fridge overnight.

8. Go to work. Or whatever you do during the day. When you get home, pull out your ice cream maker and set it up. Pour the mint concoction in it and let that bad boy do its job. The ice cream is going to be almost like soft serve. When it's done, mix in the chocolate chips and then put it in a container in the freezer for about two hours to harden the rest of the way.

This stuff is so good! I've been making everyone come to my house and eat it!