Fabric Junky

You may have never heard of this addiction before, but it is nothing to be laughed at. Fabric purchasing is a real problem. Who can stop themselves from wandering the endless shelves of bolted fabric. This is a sensory overload for everyone. The texture, colors, and smells, not to mention the bitchy old women that work at fabric stores and think that you are there to wipe your filthy paws all over their pristine fabric. You can’t help yourself from walking down the “craft aisle” at the thrift store and scoring a vintage piece of fabric or upholstery. Those are always the best and most rewarding finds. People may laugh when they see piles of fabric in your tiny apartment, but who do they come to when then need something hemmed, patched, or sewn (or have you sew tons of custom curtains that you spent every weekend on for at least four weeks)? That’s right, they come to the fabric hoarder.

Luckily, I have come up with a way to hide it. Here is my super organization of all the fabric I buy for no apparent reason. First, allot yourself an amount of space. Be very firm about this. Fabric has a tendency to multiply itself at a very rapid rate.

Next, fold all of your fabric neatly. Organize it! I divided mine into categories: outdoor/sport/fur (haha), trimmings/linings/interfacing, and pretty shit. I then took my shoe shelf, which never gets used, and placed it in the little tiny craft corner and placed all the fabric on it.

Are you so impressed?

Salted Caramel Sauce

Winter Break.  As a kid, this was the best thing ever! No school for two weeks! Then as a college student…best thing ever! No school for a month! Post-college, not so much.  Working everyday except Christmas.  Now, back to NO SCHOOL FOR TWO WEEKS. Awesome.  I went to Maui and spent some much needed time doing nothing on the back and by back I meant beach (when I saw that typo I had to leave it...too funny).  However, now that I am 25+ I lathered myself in sunscreen instead of Maui Babe, and came back looking like I got a level 1 Versa Spray Tan instead of looking like a Tahitian Princess.  Oh well. Anyway, I have a recipe with a stolen picture….

Homemade Salted Caramel Sauce:

You will need…

1 cup water

2 cups sugar

1 cup heavy cream

¼ tsp sea salt

A lot of patience

1 microwave

1 saucepan

1spatula

1 whisk

1 stove that does not have a glass top (or your caramel will be Michael Jackson style…white.)

Step 1: Pour water into the saucepan, and pour the sugar in the center, not touching the sides.  Good luck, I couldn’t do it, but it doesn’t seem to matter that much, but at least TRY.  DO NOT STIR.

Step 2: Heat over medium heat until the sugar dissolves (about 20-25 minutes) DO NOT STIR.

Turn to high until it turns golden brown.  Who knows how long this will take, one time it took 15 minutes and then next time it never got dark…hmm  but, DO NOT STIR

Step 3:  Heat the cream in the microwave for about 45 seconds (it should almost be golden brown too) you are doing this so it doesn’t turn into a lump fest in your pan when you whisk in the cream

Step 4: Slowly whisk in cream.  This part is always hard for me because slowly isn’t very descriptive…maybe sing a little song or something while your doing it and make sure you don’t finish before you're done.  Or just dump it in, I don’t think it really matters.

Continue boiling until the mixture thickens.  But don’t get all depressed that it’s not thick enough, it will get thicker as it cools. Add salt and then let it cool.

Step 5: Put it in some sort of container.  I bought little jam jars at Fred Meyer.  A double recipe filled 12.  Pour the cooled (slightly) caramel into the jars.  I let mine cool for about 30 minutes before pouring because I was paranoid that it would all stick to the pot and then I would spend my night scrapping it off with only my tears to help get it unstuck.

Step 6: Put the jars in your car in 30 degree weather over night and then handout to your staff at work for Christmas presents!

Faux Fur Vest

Pretty much every Saturday I go thrift store shopping.  Today it dawned on me that I hadn't been to the Value Village on 85th in a while.  As soon as I walked in the door, I remembered why: I hate this Value Village. It's always really crowded, the "nick knack" shelves are ridiculous and unorganized, they hang their jeans all weird by the thigh, and there are tons of unattended children wandering the aisles wreaking havoc on those of us who have chosen to not burden the world with our annoying spawn.  As I wandered around I kept running into sweater vests...tons of them.  Then I remembered a photo I had seen in a magazine of a woman wearing a knitted sweater with a fur collar.  So, I bought a mens' sweater vest, and a McCalls  pattern for a hideous cardigan and came up with this:

You will need:
Sweater vest
pattern that has a collar
faux fur
sewing machine
polyblend lining

I bought my fur at JoAnns.  Another bad choice.  It was 5:54 and the stupid pay to park was still in effect.  I looked around, thinking that there would be no parking meter reader in downtown Ballard on a Saturday.  Wrong, ma'am.  There the little asshole was in his go-cart hybrid thing that they run around on.  I only had a quarter, so I grossly over paid for my 6 minutes of parking, and carried on.  I entered JoAnn's, which apparently was having an old ladies with walkers convention.  They were EVERYWHERE.  I waded my way through their horrible floral scented perfume and made it tot he faux fur area.  after carefully selecting the cheapest fur available I made my way to the cutting counter.  I am number 85.  they are on number 83.  Great, not that long.  Just kidding.  Number 84 is no where to be found.  This is what I get to listen to for the next five minutes "Now helping guest number 84 at the cutting counter."  Nothing.  Wait one minute "Second call for number 84 at the cutting counter." Wait another few minutes...the little asshole behind the counter just smiles.  Dude, the store isn't that big, they aren't here! "Last call for number 84"  Nothing.  Then he starts organizing remnants.  "Well I guess they aren't coming, guest 85?" Dear lord, who gave you a job?! Then the best part "Oh, this is beutiful fabric!" Are you kidding? It is matted fake fur. Get out of my face.  I digress.


First, Cut the sweater vest down the middle.  Also cut out the pattern pieces that you will be using.

Now, fold the fur in half, and cut the collar out.  Make sure that you are cutting through two layers of fur, and that you DO NOT cut the fold open.

Now, cut a piece of polyblend lining out.  This is going to make it so little annoying ass chunks of fur don't start to fall off of your collar.  At this point, my jeans were covered in fur and it looked like Iris the Cat had snuck into my apartment and coughed up a ton of hair balls.

Sew the lining to the right side of the fur (you are going to flip it inside out, so pretend that you are making a little furry pillow, so leave a little two inch section in order to flip.

Make sure to trim really well around the edges before flipping it right side out, or else it's going to be all chunky and gross.

Now, hand sew the little opening shut.  Pin this U shaped tail to your vest and sew it on.  Make sure to follow the seam where the lining meets the fur, or else it looks like a disgusting fur cornrow along the edge.

Last step: Sew the cut edge by folding it to the inside of your vest and running a 1/4" seam.  Get out a lint roller and cleanup all the spare fur.  And look! Your very own Forever 21 style fur vest!