Whiskey and Empanadas

By far, the best empanadas that I have had are from La Isla in Ballard.  But, if you are from Ballard....and cheap, you can make your own. Because this has been quite possibly the worst week of my life, you will get two recipes in one! Lynchburg Lemonade and Crab Empanadas!

First, take a deep breath.  It's been a long week girl, but it's over now! Turn on The Rolling Stones Pandora Station. Get out your fifth of Jim Beam, your Triple Sec, Sweet and Sour, and Diet Lemon Lime Soda.  Grab a jar, and mix 1 part whiskey, triple sec, and sweet and sour, with 4 parts soda.  Whisk that together in your handy jar and...wow, things just got way better with your Lynchburg Lemonade (except it's not Lynchburg because I substituted Jim Beam for Jack Daniels)! 

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Now, you're going to make some empanadas ghetto Ballard style.   

You will need:

I box Pre-made pie crusts (the refrigerated rolled up type)

2 cans Canned crab meat (I bought the "fancy" kind)

A bottle of flavored mayo of your choosing (I picked garlic&herb on a whim, I would recommend chipotle)

a spork (to reduce dishes)

a cup

a rolling pin

baking sheet

foil

olive oil

So, take your crab and open the cans.  The crab meat will be wrapped in weird little wax paper packets.  Drain off the juice.  Feed it to a cat.  I owned a cat once.  The worst six months of my life.  She didn't like the crab juice when I put it in her bowl, pretty picky for a stray that should have been happy with having a home, but whatever.

Next, put it in a bowl and squirt some of your flavored mayo on it.  Mix this with the "spoon" part of your spork.

Looking good so far? Reward yourself with a sip of your Lynchburg Lemonade.

Now, grab that cup and start making little disks out of the pie crust.   

When you have a whole bunch of scraps, ball them together and whip out your new rolling pin (Shout out to Chris Galloway. Thanks Mom!).  Roll that extra dough flat and make more disks.

Take the spoon side of the spork and dish out a little crab mixture into the center of the disk. 

Fold over and press with your finger, then rinse your spork and switch to the fork side.  You will now press that down to secure the empanada.

Put some foil on your cookie sheet, toss those bad boys on there and drizzle some olive oil on top.  Take a paper towel and spread the olive oil evenly on the dough.   

Bake for about 10 minutes on 400.

BAM! you're done, and drunk! Now, package them up.  Carefully place them, and your jar of Lynchburg lemonade in a reusable grocery tote, and get on the bus to travel to the birthday party that you have made these for!

the BEST coffee in the world!

I am so impressed with myself at this second that it's pretty unbelievable...well maybe not, since I am VERY impressive.  However, this coffee is SO good.  I would drink the entire jar if I didn't have plans to put on sweats, crawl into bed, and finish reading a book about Autism. Anywho... this is what you need:
2/3 cup coffee ground for french press (aka, coarse)
1 Tbsp brown sugar
1 tsp  cinnamon (I can't help but think of Sleeping Beauty when I write that... one "tisp")
3 cups cold water
A jar
a French Press
(I still have no idea why my camera likes to do this awesome two-tone thing)

So, measure out all of your ingredients, throw them into a mason jar, and shove it into your fridge.  Go out to a wine bar with your friend, wake up in the morning and watch the Packers win. Then, come home and think to yourself...I was going to write a blog about something, but the tall cans of PBR are making my memory foggy.  Go to sleep, then come home from work on Monday and say out loud to yourself in in your studio "oh yeah you idiot, that coffee is still in the fridge."

Take the coffee out of the fridge and dump it into your french press.  Inhale as you do this because it smells delicious!

Rinse out the jar, and pour the coffee back in (after pouring a glass for yourself).  Store it in the fridge.
You can add a little cream if you want, but honest, it doesn't need it!
...YOU'RE WELCOME!

Banner Birthday Card!

Oh man, oh man. I’ve spent my week laminating PCS (pronounced pecks, Picture Communication Symbols…more on these later) and using boardmaker to “craft”. Entertaining, but not enough for me. And, btw….I am now the proud owner of a laminator, I’ll let you look at it. Anyway, I woke up Saturday morning feeling grumpy because it was cloudy, and tired because I’ve been drained of my life force this last week. So, I decided to start my day with crafting! I have been a little obsessed with banners lately, so I decided to make a birthday card using the same concept…only cooler. (Please note that I have already used ellipses 3 times.) So here we go: Banner Birthday Card Tutorial!
You’re gonna need:
Cardstock
Construction paper
A sharpie
String (I used darning yarn)
Scissors
Glue Stick
First, put on your favorite Pandora station. Today I picked The Rolling Stones. Now, get out your “antique” tv dinner tray to craft on.
Take your construction paper and fold it in half. For this I used 3 inch square pieces of construction paper. Draw a little triangle on them with the base of the triangle on your fold. Cut them out!

Aren’t they cute??

Write “Happy Birthday” in sharpie….Can you spot my mistake yet?

Now, take your string and your Elmer’s Glue stick (that you already own from making your “So Fast, So Furious recycle strip card”. Glue the triangle together and sandwich the string in the middle.

Once you have “Happy” and “Birthday” on two different strings tape them into place. Do you see the mistake?

Take a sharpie and note how awesome your gold nail polish is as you poke a hole in the card stock.

Tie the string in a small knot. Repeat 3 times (duh). And now, I will reveal the mistake, I mixed up the “y”. whoops. The pattern is RUINED. Now, look how crafty you are!

But wait! Are you now obsessed with banners too? They are damn cute. So, take some shit from around your house and make more. I took a map and cut it up, then used ric rack and super glue to make a banner for underneath my Saucer Picture Frames!

Also, I never thought I would say anything like this, but I love the new Blogger interface.

Mod Podge Saucer Frames

Not sure where I saw this. I think it must have been a blog, because that is how I spend my time: reading other people’s craft blogs. Anyway, this is a really great idea if you have a Grandmother, who goes by the name of Mum. This “Mum” of yours loves to have tea. She also loves to collect tons of random shit. Then, she likes to move into a retirement home and leave all of the random shit that she doesn't want behind in the house that you are going to move into. This creates various problems, including about 50 tea saucers with no cups. What is a girl to do? Smash them up and make a mosaic? Nope, make picture frames so that the integrity of the saucer is intact. So here you have it: Mod Podge saucer picture frames!
What you need:
Saucers (if you don’t have a Mum, they are $0.99 at Goodwill)
Mod Podge (I used gloss)
Paint brush
Photos
Scissors
Hot glue gun
Picture hanging brackets

What you do:
(Thank you camera phone for yet another excellent photo!)
Trace the shape of the inner part of the saucer onto something that you can see through. I used an overhead transparency because…I’m a teacher and that’s what I have on hand.

Place that over your photo and trace pushing down hard enough to leave an indent in your photo. Cut it out!
Take your Mod Podge and a paint brush and paint the center of the saucer. Place your newly trimmed photo of your brother trying to ride on the seat of a bike in the center. Quietly laugh to yourself as you remember that the bike was picked up from the side of the road by your Dad because it had a “free” sign on it and he is from Ballard, so he just couldn’t resist. Continue to laugh as you think of your brother falling off of the bike and landing on the road right after the photo was taken. (I don’t know if that’s what really happened but it’s my memory so I get to choose.)
Paint another coat of Mod Podge over the top and wait about 20 minutes. Make sure to wipe off any excess Mod Podge. If it looks like it’s not going to fall off, move on. If not, put on another coat and wait another 20 minutes.
Now, you need to hang this bad mofo.
Take a glue gun or crazy glue and attach a picture hanger to the back of the saucer. Make sure it is straight or it will drive you INSANE.
Now, repeat for various other photos then hang them up on your wall!
Yep, this stuff is amazing.

Apron or tool belt or whatever

This is the “Oh shit! I need a gift” solution: a great little apron or tool belt for your domestic diva friend. It’s pretty quick. Here is what you need:

Trusty measuring stick
Magic pen (invisible ink)
Good scissors
Cotton fabric
Sewing machine
Ribbon, bias tape, or twill tape (for the tie)
An Iron

Okie dokie. So, first pick out a good fabric. I like to shop in the fabric section of thrift stores. You can get really great vintage fabric, and every once in a while you will find a vacuum seal cast cover that you can give to a friend who broke their hand. Win win, you get fabric, they can shower, and they don't smell bad!
Wash, iron, and cut the fabric to a rectangle that is 17”w by 23”long. Don’t use janky scissors. You are giving this as a gift so try to keep it classy. I used my lovely yardstick and a fabric pen. Fabric pens are great. You write with it and the ink disappears in about 3-4 hours…perfect for giving your number out at the bar.
Next, move your computer and all other “office” stuff to the floor of your apartment, and drag your sewing machine out from the bookshelf that it lives on. Be sure to leave the computer on Pandora, and move your speaker wires so that you don’t trip on them and hit your head on the door.
Note: If you are using a fabric that has a pattern or design, cut two pieces the same size. Put right sides together and sew along all 4 edges, leaving just enough room on one side to turn right side out (pretend you are making a pillow).
IRON.
Sew around all for corners again (only on the right side this time).
IRON.
Fold up the bottom portion about 7”.
IRON.
Sew along the edges with a zigzag stitch so that it looks “fancy”. Or if you are from Ballard, just get out the stitch witch and screw sewing all-together.
IRON.
Now you need to make little sections for your big pocket. The sizes are up to you. I like to pick sizes that line up with the foot of my sewing machine so that I get a straight stitch line.
IRON.
Now it is time to sew on the tie. I attach the tie to the front because it looks better and makes a nice flat front for the apron. Sew a little rectangle, then go back over and do a zigzag stitch in both directions. This should be strong enough to hold.

Now, go fill it up with some crap and it’s the perfect gift!

Days off mean more projects

After a month of 11 hour days and attending 3 of the 6 weddings planned for this summer, I have a week of nothing. This inevitably means I should do all the laundry that is piled high in my closet, but instead I went to three thrift stores and spent an hour at Artists & Craftsman Supply.
I now have more textile paint than is logical, and a seersucker pencil skirt to wear to the next wedding. Anyway, here is what I’ve been up to: (I will only do a tutorial for the canvas because I didn’t take pictures along the way for any other projects.)

I made this garter for Alexis to wear at her BEAUTIFUL wedding at the Artic Club on 3rd & Cherry. That place is amazing. And the Midwest can bring it..my liver is in a bad place right now.

Brian asked me to make him an anchor hoodie. I asked him to make me a wooden cutting board. This was in December. Where is my cutting board?

This is how my apartment is looking these days…I have two bikes and tons of art supplies. And a skateboard. It’s crowded.

I scored this seersucker pencil skirt with matching blazer today at Goodwill. Blue tag special? Yes please! It was $1.29. I win.
Now for the project that left me covered in paint and sticky stencil letters. I got it from this great blog http://abeautifulmess.typepad.com/my_weblog/2011/08/song-lyric-wall-art-diy-project.html
So, basically follow her directions, except if you are doing something with more letters. Then do this:

because you will need extra letters which a pretty easy to make out of electrical tape. Also, give up on designing your own tattoo and reuse the paper for this letter counting part. I am also very impatient so I just used my hairdryer to dry the paint. You need something sharp to lift the sides of the letters, I used some scissors.
Then….viola! you get a great little canvas to hang in your tiny ass kitchen.

I’ve been listening to The Knife a lot. Like, a lot. So there you have it.

Ballard's finest acheivement: Tater Tot Casserole

They don't call me Tater for nothing...

Oh, the meal of my childhood…tater tot casserole. Most nights I was pissed that we were having it, and wanted it out of the casserole rotation, but now…I have embraced my Ballardness and love it. My version is a little different (adapted to meet the needs of my adult palate) and much more delicious.
You will need:
1lb of ground beef
bag of tater tots
1 can condensed cream of mushroom soup
onion
garlic
Worcestershire sauce
Montreal steak seasoning
Shredded cheese (I like mozzarella/provolone mix)


So first, sauté the garlic and onion in a pan. Add the Worcestershire sauce and Montreal steak seasoning to the onions when they are translucent. Also, make sure that you are listening to Nate Dogg and Warren G “Regulators” while you are making this or it won’t turn out right.

Next, switch your mind back into freak mode, and add the ground beef. Cook it! Add more Montreal steak seasoning (you can never have enough).
Now, get out your casserole dish. Make sure not to drop it on the ground and have it shatter. You can drain off some of the fat from the meat if you want to…be lame, or leave it for a delicious fatty tater tot casserole. This is where I add cheese. All of the meat should be the bottom layer, then a layer of cheese. Next up: the cream of mushroom soup (do not dilute it). It will be all thick and gross.

Use a spoon to spread it in a layer over the cheese and meat. Throw on some more cheese and then a layer of tots. Then….Add more cheese!! Top it with a few extra tots to fill in the gaps.

Bake it in the oven on 375-400 for about 45 minutes. Crack a Rainier tall can and sit back while your apartment starts to smell like a vat of grease and oil.